(Ask about special month-long Mothers Day discounts for single moms!)
Yes, Mom, you are in demand, specially at on-line or personal dating services! Since we are celebrating Mother’s Day this month, I wanted to relay this positive news to all single mothers who are pondering whether or not they should join such a service.
For the most part, if a woman is in her mid-30s and up, her “Dating Quotient” (that is her marketability in the singles world) actually increases if she has children. Why?
The truth is that most services have more divorced dads than moms as members. There are several reasons for that disparity. First, some single mothers are hesitant to join, because they think men won’t want to meet them because of their children. I have spoken with numerous women who meekly asked if anyone would want to meet them because they have kids.
“I certainly don’t think of my kids as ‘baggage,’ but won’t men think that way?” bemoaned more than one single mother.
And yes, there are some men who refuse to meet women with children and who actually refer to kids as “baggage.” But those guys are in the minority and fall into two main categories: younger men who still want families of their own, and older, self-centered, totally driven men looking for women to be totally devoted to them and only them. You probably don’t want to meet those guys anyway.
A second reason that many services have more single dads than moms is that, unfortunately, more single dads have the financial means to join a dating service, as opposed to their ex-wives.
Additionally, a single father with only partial custody of his children has a lot more free time to explore a social life. A single mother who is trying to balance a job with raising a couple of kids may feel she lacks the free time to join a dating service, let alone begin to date someone. Moreover, some single mothers are hesitant to join an online service, owing to concerns over safety issues. Men rarely have such concerns.
Nevertheless, most single dads like kids and many want to meet women who are also nurturing and “family-oriented.” I have even spoken with men who did not have children of their own who asked to meet women with children. Those tended to be men in their 40s and even 50s who still wanted to have children.
Moreover, in my matchmaking experience, I have had more success pairing up single moms with single dads than any other combination.
After all, both parties certainly have a lot in common. They both experienced the trauma of breaking the news to children, a parent moving out, dividing up “possessions” from furniture to friends, working out visitation days, financial and real estate issues, etc. These are all problems that never-married adults rarely face.
When speaking with men from the mid-40s on up, the most common answer to the question if they want to meet women with children is that they prefer meeting women with “older” children. Many of these men have raised children of their own and don’t necessarily want to chase around young toddlers again.
So what is the definition of “older children?” Naturally some men who have grown children out of the home tend to request meeting women in a similar situation. A common request is to meet women with children over the age of 16. That is simply because many of those children (or their friends) have their drivers’ licenses and spend much of their time “out of the home.” On the other hand, they still will be in the picture to celebrate holidays, birthdays, and similar special occasions.
But there are also many men with younger children who prefer meeting women with younger children. One of my favorite success stories involves the man who called one day to announce that my dating service had “completed his straight.”
“I have three kids, ages 4, 6, and 8, and I am marrying a woman I met through you who has two children, 5 and 7!” he triumphantly announced.
So if you are a single mom who has been considering joining some type of dating service go ahead and take the plunge. You may be surprised at how popular you are!
(And if you are a member of a service and frustrated with the experience, perhaps I can help!)
Oh, and have a Happy Mothers Day!